Unicorn Zoro
by LunaStories
Summary: Welcome! Here we have a wonderful product that everyone would love! Unicorn Zoro! This is an advertisement for unicorn Zoro. Warnings: Not a real product, crack, humor, sarcasm, implied Zoro/Sanji.


**A/N: Shit. I'm so sorry for not updating in some time… I'm actually neglecting my homework to hurriedly type this out… *Sigh* I have a whole bunch of Honors and AP classes and the homework is hell. I also have a seventh period that gives me a shitload of homework…and it's only my sophomore year =.= Please bear with me for now, my homework takes me 5 hours minimum so I've barely had any time to sleep… I'm currently in a depression from my lack of writing…anyways, on a happier note; this is a complete crack fic referring to my story Monster Academy where Sanji calls Zoro a unicorn :) You don't have to read it to understand it though! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: You know what, I'm tried of disclaimers =.= I only need them if my story is popular enough for Oda to actually read them and sue me and that's not going to happen so screw disclaimers. I'll put one on my profile and that's that. No more disclaimers =.=**

**Warnings: Crack. Humor. Sarcasm. Implied Zoro/Sanji.**

**Summary: An advertisement for a new product: Zoro. With comments from the crew and me as the seller.**

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A spotlight falls on one lone girl standing on a stage with a microphone in her hand… Luna regards her audience with a cool gaze before speaking.

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It's a bird…it's a plane…no, IT'S SPART- *Cue cheerful music with butterflies and frolicking animals* it's Zoro!

Welcome! Here we have the very product that many customers of all ages would love~!

*Drumrolls and a spotlight falls on a cage with wheels covered by a blanket of some sort*

With out further ado, I present to you…Zoro!

*Pulls blanket off with a flourish and inside the cage is Zoro who seems to be sleeping*

Yes, believe it or not, he came willingly when we told him that we had plenty of booze.

So, this is not just any normal Zoro, it's the exclusive unicorn Zoro! *Cue My Little Pony Music*

This product can satisfy all your needs from sexually repressed individuals to someone who just needs a good sparing partner! *Cough* In other words a punching bag. *Cough*

Anyways! He is very good at topping but he's also wonderful as the bottom too! If you know what I mean…*Wink wink nudge nudge*

Sanji: Hey! Then why am I always botto-

So as I was saying! He is good at everything from fighting to sleeping…to…fighting…Actually he's good at nothing…

*Cough* Anyways, he can do lots of stuff! Like getting lost, being lazy, sleeping, being an ass, doing photosynthesis…*Trails off when she realizes there's really nothing good about him*

Well, he's good-looking and that makes up for everything! So there! *She glances at Zoro just as a trail of drool makes its way to the floor of the cage and cringes in disgust* Okay ummm…he's cute?

She turns around and urgently whispers into a hidden mike in her shirt.

Boss! How am I supposed to sell him?! He's good at nothing!

Nami: I don't care how you do it but at least sell him for a minimum of one million dollars!

B-but boss! It's impossible!

Nami: It's not my problem. Just sell that idiot so he can repay that damn debt he owes me…

*Sigh* She glances over at Zoro again and her eyes widen in dismay as Zoro slowly wakes up.

Zoro: Wh-what happened? Where am I?

Luna quickly makes something up so that Zoro doesn't escape.

Hello there! Umm…congratulations! You have won the…all-you-can-drink booze contest!

Zoro raises an eyebrow in disbelief but goes with it anyways.

Zoro: Really, huh.

Ummm…yeah! And you have to…uhhh…take some pictures in order to receive the booze! Yeah!

Luna thought that she should distract Zoro first so that she would have a chance to put him to sleep again.

*Takes out camera out of no where*

Okay… so put one hand on your hip and the other behind your head. Yeah…that's how you do it.

*Snaps some pictures from different angles*

For anyone who wants to buy pictures of Zoro in a sexy pose, please head over to the shop to pre-order yours now!

*Clamors and squeals of joy could be heard as some of the audience heads out to pre-order some sexy Zoro pictures*

Zoro finally notices the audience and the fact that he is in a cage.

Zoro: Wait, why am I in a cage? What happened? Let me out woman! I don't remember giving you permission to put me i-

*Luna shoves the cage so that it rolls into backstage and out of sight*

*Chuckles nervously* No worries audience! We completely have his consent! He's just high on too much drugs.

So as I was saying, this awesome product usually practices three-sword style but since this is the exclusive unicorn Zoro; he practices the four-sword style!

*Mumbles* Five-sword style if you include his *Cough* _master_ sword…if you know what I mean.

He is very easy to feed! All you have to do is give him booze and he will survive.

Since he is a unicorn, he not only sparkles; but he also farts rainbows!

*Cue Skittle's person saying his catchphrase* Reflect the rainbow! Taste the rainbow!

Anyways…he can be your personal Edward Cullen! He sparkles! Though if you want him to creepily watch you when you're sleeping and stalk you everywhere then this is not the product for you.

And since he's a unicorn…you can ride him! *Cough* In bed and in other places. *Cough*

This product used to be thirty dollars, but we'll sell it to you for twenty nine…easy payments of five hundred thousand!

So what are you waiting for?! Order now and we'll throw in this love-cook that no one wants!

*Spotlight momentarily shines on a gagged and tied up Sanji*

You can record them doing stuff to each other! *Smirks*

Warnings: Product may turn you green (Literally), a dumbass, directionally challenged, lazy, sleepy, sexy, photosynthetic, result in missing limbs, and most important of all, you may contract the I-love-Sanji disease! This disease is usually fatal and you may never recover from it.

Use with caution.

Who needs My Little Pony and Twilight when you can have Unicorn Zoro!

_~fin_

**A/N: I'm curious, but who would actually buy Zoro? xD I totally would, if I had the money… X3 I will be back to posting chapters soon, I hope. Please be patient with me and review! If you do, I'll give you the love-cook that no one wants! But wait…no one wants him…xD**


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